Body Hacks

Improve Your Body & Life

It’s a new year; depending on who you ask that’s a good thing. You may have made some resolutions even. Wonderful. I’m a big... 5 People You Don’t Wanna Be At The Gym in 2017

It’s a new year; depending on who you ask that’s a good thing. You may have made some resolutions even. Wonderful. I’m a big fan of setting goals, especially time-bound ones. At the end of your life, you want to look back and know that you were exactly the person you wanted to be.

Becoming your best self is no easy task. Most folks are content to let life happen to them. Not you, though. You are a take charge person. That’s why these people drive you nuts.

After a tough finish to a long year, I thought we could all use a little comic relief. This list is in no way intended to represent real people I know at the gym. (I’m not looking at you, Bob.)

Anyway, don’t be any of these jerks this year. (Sorry, Bob.)

The Cardio Camper



This is the gym member who knows they want to exercise, but they aren’t comfortable anywhere else in the gym. They live on the cardio equipment.

They may jump from piece to piece, but never weight training, never classes. They may give it her all on that cardio or she may read her favorite book.

You might as well pitch a tent around this cardio-queen, maybe start a campfire. They aren’t going anywhere. They also aren’t seeing any results.

The Weight Hoarder



Sorry fellas, but this is usually dudes. This guy needs all the weights. You know this, because he has dumbells littered around him in concentric circles, creating trip hazards.

Try to work in? “I’m using that,” he’ll tell you.

Don’t argue with this fool. If you really find it distracting from your workout, speak to someone in management.

There is no gym where it’s acceptable to hoard the weights. Gym etiquette mandates you let others “work in” with you.

Messy Marvin



The worst is when you get a weight hoarder mixed with a Messy Marvin. That guy gets out all the weights, then leaves them out when he’s done.

This is the same goofball who leaks all over the cardio equipment, then walks away like it was a gift. It could be women too, but sorry fellas, this one is usually us.

Marvin has no concept of how his actions affect other people. He’ll drag the heaviest dumbbells across the gym, only to leave them where he last used them because someone around here gets paid to pick up.

Chatty Charlie



The gym is like sacred ground. It’s where the fitness nuts work on our fitness, take some me time, then go home. We recharge in the gym. It is a place of reverence.

What we don’t go to the gym for, it to gab about anything more than a few seconds. It’s nice to have gym pals. It’s also nice if you can work and talk, but most of us are on a clock. We may literally be training intervals, unable to stop.

It’s nice that you follow politics. You should talk about them, but not in the gym. While you’re at it, Charlie (or Cathy), nobody wants to hear about your religious beliefs or strange sexual lifestyle either.

Let’s be courteous, say “hi,’ then get on with it. Don’t even bring up Shower Shirley, the one who likes to strike up a chat while in the shower.

Poser Peter



There is the work you do in the gym, then there is the work you do at home. Posing in front of the mirror goes in the latter category.

We all see that you’ve been working on your abs. It’s hard not to notice the 500 crunches every single workout. It’s also hard not to notice the weirdo lifting up his shirt in the mirror every two minutes.

Also, to the bicep flexor, you gotta stop. It’s just intimidating to the rest of us. We all wish we could look as silly as you, flexing one of the smallest muscles in the human body.



Whew. Thankfully, you’re not any of these folks.

You gotta be careful, though. Nobody ever jumped into the deep end of hoarding weights or leaving a mess. It starts small, maybe just a few dumbbells. Then, one day, you’re that person in the gym.

Don’t let it happen to you. Be courteous of other members. Share your space, share your equipment.

Make 2017 the year you become a better person at the gym.